I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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