She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You've changed since you got that strap on
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
