it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
