he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
