yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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