your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
