Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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