So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
