So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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