i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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