never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
