if i can run in heels then i can drive
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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