I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm too high and old for this...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
