I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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