yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
