We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
