and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
