"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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