Only a mothe r could love this liver
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
