I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
