I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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