Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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