I seem to have left my pride at pride
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
