i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
