how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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