i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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