my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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