i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
