I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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