FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
