You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
