Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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