I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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