You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize