Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
