I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
