We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
