Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
