I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
