Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
