just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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