You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
