just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
