you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
