dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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