who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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