yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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