I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
