Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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