she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
