if you like me you must not know who I am
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
