You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
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When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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