I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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