She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
