Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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