I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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