i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
