Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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