i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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